I dunno what to say. but im over the moon now.. The pass 48 hours was painful though..

Somehow or rather.. the jakarta situation had caused his plans to change. He wasnt able to make it to Singapore. Yehh. my hopes were all dashed. it was painful. When i first got the news. i burst into tears. It jus kept flowing out.. yuanyuan was with me when it happened. She.. panicked too.. x_X but thank you yuan yuan.. for being there..

The next few hours was jus filled with worries and fear. No news, nothing. Even though the meetup with sumzy they all went fine but i think my mind.. was very distracted. Kept looking at my fone. hoping that he'll give me a msg, a call, anything to tell me he's fine.

Brain was too exhausted. Crashed as early as 11.30pm. WOW. for the first time im in bed that early. o.o KO-ed all the way till this morning hmm. then the worry made me woke up. Wanted to see if he was online. so got up about 9am? x_X but first time i've slept for full 8 hrs. Felt good. ._.

He came on bout 12pm.. telling me there was high chance he was not coming to sg.. had to leave hse to buy stuff. so couldnt chat more. went vivo with mom and sis. Jeez throughout the day, i was so distracted. sad. affected. x_X jie realised that...but she knew i couldnt help feeling those feelings...

Came back and we managed to chat alot... cried badly. x_X cuz i knew he wasnt gonna be coming. my heart.. jus couldnt take the blow? i was planning and expecting.. waiting for the day to finally come. but in the end.. it had to turn out like this..

but again.. i told him. he had to do what he needed to do. i dint wanted him to feel sandwiched either but at the same time. i wanted to be selfish. just this once. i wanted him to be here... so many times in love affairs. i've never been selfish. but just this once. i know i needed to be... but.. i was also hesitant as will he be happy...? x_X i din know what to do.. all i knew then.. was that my tears jus kept on flowing.. he felt the pain too. the struggle.

WHY DO FATE HAVE TO PLAY WITH US? WHY!
im angry. im pissed.

Jie saw me crying. she was heart broken. I guess this conversation really made me realise how much do i care about him. i guess.. it was more than what i expected.. each line i typed.. more tears fell down my cheeks... it was painful.

the chat was long... but in the end.. he has decided to come. and somehow the chat.. made us realise how much we like each other.. and im glad that now.. we both are willing to face what we feel truthfully.

whatever he said.. has ultimately sweeten me. >< especially when he told me he was coming. Jeez. i smiled like nobody's business. jie could felt my 'joy'.. lolol. hmm. i wonder what wil happen if they met. ._. but im looking forward to it.

jie said it was like about a year ago when i last smile like i did today. cuz i really am.. very happy. lol. >< counting down now.. every minute...

So baby i will wait for you
if you think im fine it just aint true
i really need you in my life
no matter what i have to do
i'll wait for you....

im glad sweetie. really happy that i know how you feel now..